At Linquenda House, Harare's gloomy immigration department, the official inspecting my visa extension form asks me what I do. "I'm a wineseller," I lie.
It's a paradox that would bother Lord Reith or William Russell were they alive today.
Its formula of headline, photograph and provocative speech bubble has rarely changed over the years. Margaret Thatcher has made 95 appearances, the Queen 62, while Jeffrey Archer and Saddam Hussein are both into double figures.
It has been raining for two weeks in Harare, with only an occasional respite for the city's graceful avenues to drip dry. For a country that has gone without heavy rain for several years, this is a turnaround.
Surprisingly little has been written about Sir Frederick and Sir David Barclay. The Telegraph owners are under the spotlight for how their newspaper treats stories that impinge on commercial interests.
How does it differ from what Lord Justice Leveson wanted? Or how things were under the Press Complaints Commission? Will freedom of the press be damaged?
Having apparently failed to keep the location of their honeymoon secret, can William and Catherine avoid the attentions of intrusive photographers?
Newspapers have savagely attacked the retention of council "non-jobs" while front line services are axed.
Its a paradox that would bother Lord Reith or William Russell were they alive today.
It's a month since the death of Michael Jackson - an event which triggered much worshipful coverage of the singer's life. When can you speak ill of the dead?